8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
