Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
