how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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