There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
