I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
is that a dick in a sweater?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
