The best revenge is premature balding
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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