Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
