Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
