You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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