You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
