do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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