i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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