I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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