i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
