we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
PANTIES FOUND
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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