birth control should be required to get into college
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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