He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
