Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize