my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
