I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
