Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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