why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
