I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
