I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
