your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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