Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
