carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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