His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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