So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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