fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
