tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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