Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
