Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Girls should come with a carfax report
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
