My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
