How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
