im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you win again, gameday.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
