You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
