i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
