Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
