I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
