Apparently you make a good broom.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize