Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i came on her dog
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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