Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
