He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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