go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
