i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
