My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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