dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
