It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
