16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize