When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm getting married
To pizza
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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