Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
