drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
