I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
