apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What drink are we having for lunch?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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