If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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