i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
