She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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