I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
