life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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