I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
