i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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