It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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