woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
