I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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