Ambien. No doubt about it.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize