I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
