VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
