Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize