Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's just like the Real World with babies
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
