btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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