You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
