well I can't set my house on fire every night
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
