i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize