Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
