READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
