kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Maybe he injected his testicle?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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