So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
