I cannot find my penis.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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