You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
