i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I intend to get homeless drunk
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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