We're facebook friends in real life
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize