my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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