his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
