Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
