accomplished twins. life is a go
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
