think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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