You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
