When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize