what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
