I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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