:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize