Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
