Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
