I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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