first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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