I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
