Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
