There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize