Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He better not be in your backpack
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
