Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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