oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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