Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
