Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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