wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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