she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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