How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
