I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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