i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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