I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize